I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Randomize
