Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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