quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
