Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
