A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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