The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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