He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
