So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
