It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
