can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
why is half of my head shaved?
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