quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
