Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
