remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
