I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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