Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
