Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
