I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
