you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
