I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
