she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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