try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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