Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
