I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
