i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
