1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
