I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
