I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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