Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
