When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
