you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
