I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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