I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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