I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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