I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A+ Viking dick
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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