Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
