Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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