I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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