I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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