Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
