Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
