btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize