I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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