And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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