You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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