grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
