New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
