last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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