as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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