Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
