My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
