Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is classic penis vs brain.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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