a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
did i walk over a car last night?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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