so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
