I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
