I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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