What a fucking waste of an outfit
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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