Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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