If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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