went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
