I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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