there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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