im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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