apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
