Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize