when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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