If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
