PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
