I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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