I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
tell me about the eggs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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