Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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